Skip to main content

Our baby hated the car

Sometimes the frenzy shows us we have misconceptions. It teaches us to not trust common knowledge. I hope that by sharing our story we can push back against some of those expectations. Prior to having a baby, we thought babies loved the car. We heard stories of tired parents driving their children around the block at 1 AM. This sounded miserable, but it sets a certain expectation

Expectations about babies and cars

We had an expectation that babies love cars, they would go to sleep instantly in the car seat when the engine started. We practically turned around on our way out of hospital to tell them they must’ve forgot some secret procedure because our lovely new baby screamed the entire car ride home. We hoped it was just a fluke a single trip. It turns out it wasn’t . The “common knowledge” about babies and cars was not true for our baby.

Your baby is not broken

So why share this story? You baby may love the car. But there is likely something else that “all babies love” or “all babies do” that just doesn’t apply to your baby. Your baby is not broken. Every baby is different. For us, we learned this lesson early on when our child screamed at us every car ride. It didn’t last forever. At some point it stopped happening. But for the first few months, we hated going anywhere. Visits to grandparents were not fun. Going grocery shopping was not fun. Our desire to go anywhere decreased as a function of the amount of time we would need to spend in the car.

Do what works

It’s OK the first time you have a baby to spend time figuring out what works. Don’t worry, you’re not going to spoil an infant. Just figure out what keeps them happy. What allows them to sleep. What keeps them fed and hopefully keeps them from spitting back up everything all over the clean shirt you just put on. If it’s doing power lunges down the road with a baby carrier on, then that’s OK. You’re going to have amazing quads.

We’re with you

Here at ZtF, we stand by new parents because we’ve recently been there. It may help to find some people in your life who have also recently been there. The memory of trying a million things before one works apparently fades with time. You just remember the silly thing that finally worked. This amounts to a huge amount of confirmation bias online in parenting advice. The people who tried to soothe a baby by dancing an Irish jig while holding them post endlessly about how amazing their technique to soothe babies is and if you only do it the right way it will work every time. When the Irish jig trick utterly failed, people don’t run to the computer to post about it. Don’t worry about “common knowledge” about babies. Do what works. We’re with you.

Popular posts from this blog

Purple sauerkraut

In the frenzy every moment is precious. There are so few opportunities to do... well -- anything other than getting parents and children fed and in bed. Still, every once in awhile we get to spend a few minutes being proactive about making our food healthier and more environmentally friendly. We've always been inclined to make food rather than buy prepared food. And when I'm ambitious, I like to preserve food in various forms. One of the easiest things to do when it comes to food preservation is to ferment vegetables. With a small investment of time you can get something that is healthier than anything you would buy in the grocery store. It also tastes much better than the food you pull off the grocery shelves. Perhaps the best example of this is sauerkraut. Something about cabbage makes it just an easy vegetable to start fermenting. I also don't feel like you need to complicate it. If you look for recipes online there will often be a fancy take on sauerkraut t…

Is your bond allocation worth working another 2 years?

Sometimes we fall prey to an illusion of control in the midst of the frenzy. Saving and investing can feel intimidating. We don't want to lose money. Investing is much more fun when money is growing. Fear lies below the surface. What if the market falls. So we spend some time on google and discover asset allocation. Put some money in bonds and you'll be buffered against the inevitable fall of the market. You can adjust your bond allocation based on your age. You may even build in an extra allocation, called a bond tent, as you get closer to retirement. The only problem - it doesn't work while you're building wealth. It's particularly bad for proponents of financial independence who save up to some multiple of their living expenses. With "traditional" retirement, where you fix a retirement date, the closer you get to that date the more likely you are to want to protect the money you have saved. But what if that's turned on it's head a…

Dear reddit - a bond tent case study

Dear reddit, Sometimes I just seem to find the frenzy. It's a talent. Either way, a thread on reddit raised a question about using a bond tent as you approach financial independence. (Is it recommended to use a bond tent when approaching FIRE date soon?) So I jumped in with my perspective that it is not a good idea when saving to a target amount rather than saving to a target date. This opinion was based on numbers I ran for my previous post on bond allocation. The author of the thread took a brave step of throwing up their calculations in google sheets in a follow up post. (Show Reddit: Sample Calculation for Bond Tent During Accumulation Phase - Seems to be Worth It!?) We had some back and forth discussion, but to be fair he put his calculations out in public so I could dissect them. It seems only fair that I do the same. I'm not going to use the original script or parameters that I prepared for the previous post because the script was a bit ugly and the scenario o…